Understanding Co-Regulation

The concept

Co-regulation is the process by which a steady, responsive person helps another person return to a more settled state.

Explanation

Young children are not yet able to calm themselves alone. Through repeated experiences of a caring adult staying present, they gradually build the capacity to self-regulate. Adults co-regulate one another too — in friendships, partnerships, and workplaces.

Who this is for

Most relevant for parents and caregivers of young children, and useful for any adult in a supporting role.

In real life

• Sitting near a crying child and breathing slowly.
• Lowering your voice instead of raising it during a disagreement.

Try this

• Notice and steady yourself first.
• Offer presence before problem-solving.
• Repair afterwards when things go wrong.

References

• Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). Serve and return. developingchild.harvard.edu
• Murray, D. W., Rosanbalm, K., Christopoulos, C., & Hamoudi, A. (2015). Self-regulation and toxic stress: Foundations for understanding self-regulation from an applied developmental perspective (OPRE Report #2015-21). U.S. Administration for Children and Families.
• Shanker, S. (2016). Self-Reg: How to help your child (and you) break the stress cycle and successfully engage with life. Penguin Press.
• Shonkoff, J. P., & Phillips, D. A. (Eds.). (2000). From neurons to neighborhoods: The science of early childhood development. National Academies Press.