Understanding Co-Regulation

What it means

Co-regulation is the process by which a steady, responsive person helps another person return to a more settled state.

Key ideas

• Self-regulation is learned, not automatic. Children build it gradually through many experiences with responsive adults.
• A calm, present adult acts like an external support while a child's own skills are still developing.
• Co-regulation continues across the lifespan. Adults steady one another in families, friendships and workplaces.
• Ruptures are normal. Returning to repair is part of how trust and regulation grow.

What the research says

• Developmental researchers describe self-regulation as growing out of co-regulation: warm, responsive relationships, a structured environment, and coaching of skills (Murray et al., 2015).
• Back-and-forth 'serve and return' interactions between children and caregivers are linked to healthy brain development (Center on the Developing Child; Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000).
• Reducing unnecessary stress and noticing signs of overload can help children return to a calmer state (Shanker, 2016).

Sources

• Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). Serve and return. developingchild.harvard.edu
• Murray, D. W., Rosanbalm, K., Christopoulos, C., & Hamoudi, A. (2015). Self-regulation and toxic stress: Foundations for understanding self-regulation from an applied developmental perspective (OPRE Report #2015-21). U.S. Administration for Children and Families.
• Shanker, S. (2016). Self-Reg: How to help your child (and you) break the stress cycle and successfully engage with life. Penguin Press.
• Shonkoff, J. P., & Phillips, D. A. (Eds.). (2000). From neurons to neighborhoods: The science of early childhood development. National Academies Press.